The Heart of Engagement : Leadership Development & Executive Coaching : Mike Cook of Vitalwork Inc. / The AMJ Group : Management Education, Retreat Facilitation

If a hip reference to a well known rock band (Rage Against the Machine) from the 1990’s, known for their highly political lyrics, made by a 63 year old white guy, has a tendency to tweak your beak then we are probably already off to a bad start this week. If not then hang in there, I promise this gets better.

Now wait a minute, if you are reading this you are probably quite a few years away from 63 and the only one who really needs an explanation for the title of this post is me! My bad.

'Rage against the Machine', I do like the sound of the phrase and it really is an example of a term that is self-explanatory. As an obstacle, anything that interrupts the ability to engage freely with our work is worthy of a conversation, especially when it involves something that is completely within our control, the rage that is. Rage against whatever or whoever, whether it is…

• A co-worker
• A manager
• A policy
• Them
• They
• Those guys in the ivory tower

(…you know who and what I mean, that which we grind our gears about), is unequivocally a waste of time, precious lifetime, the one resource you have that is truly yours and is non-renewable. Whenever I hear someone raging, ranting about their situation all I can ever think to ask is whether they understand the game they are playing. Business, it is a high contact pastime. Even in real high contact sports, when it is a matter of business, there is more than one way to get your bell rung. Here’s a really current example of what I am referring to...

February 22,2010, ‘CBS Sports Wire Reports’ earlier today reported that the San Diego Chargers of National Football League fame announced they have dismissed long time star running back LaDainian Tomlinson after a nine year career with the team. To quote the story, "The yards didn't pile up as easily as in previous seasons. LaDainian Tomlinson was slowing down because of injuries and age, becoming less and less the face of the franchise as his role was reduced in a pass-happy offense. On Monday, he was released by the San Diego Chargers, a franchise he helped revive with a brilliant nine-year run in which he became one of the NFL's greatest running backs.”

Oh by the way, Mr. Tomlinson had a $2M roster bonus due in March. Aaaaaahh! That’s not fair, after all he did for the team. Read the story. Back during Super Bowl week LaDanian spoke with his agent Tom Condon and let him know that he thought it was time to move on. This is a sign of someone who understands the game they are playing, he looked at the wall, he saw what was written there and he chose, to engage with the reality in which he found himself. Did he like it? I can’t imagine that he did. Could he change what was going to happen? Not very likely. Rather than rage against the team or wait for decision that was probably inevitable LaDanian chose to initiate action on behalf of his future. So am I saying you should always walk away from a fight? No, I am saying walk away from a whine!

Kris Dunn recently took a whack at this topic from where he sees things in his own post titled in part “…Rage Against the Machine.” His takes come from a different perspective as he poses the challenge to us where there is at least the possibility we can do something to preserve self-respect, rather than curl up in a ball and going catatonic.

Either way, Kris’s or LaDanian’s, it’s about being a player in the game going on right in front of you, that’s a choice for staying alive, for acting like you are on the playing field and not someone who got their popcorn spilled by some other rowdy fan.

Back in 19 and 79 I found myself getting all whiney about my situation in the big oil company. I was a rising star, by my own admission. Maybe my trajectory was a bit shallow but I knew I was meant for better things than waiting in line for the next available management opening blah, blah, blah. Truth be told I had educated myself as an HR professional to insure that I would be able to make a good living (reasonable but not inspirational) and while that was proving to be the case I was increasingly interested in things that I would later learn were part of the study of Organizational Development. "How could this Fortune 50 company not be doing more of what I was interested in doing?" Well they weren’t and for the most part they would not begin to for nearly another 10 years, at least on any scale.

One day late in that year I woke up and realized that there was nothing wrong, especially nothing wrong with the company where I was working. What had happened through no one’s fault was that I had discovered that something mattered more to me than simply making a living, its called a passion. Most importantly it dawned on me that I was the one who needed to take action. Within a very short period of time I had tendered my resignation and began plans to become my own employer in a company offering the services I wanted to provide. Along the way over the past 30 years there have been plenty of ups and downs and I have been on the field for everyone of them. What a great game I created for myself!

Can you say for true that you love the game you are playing today?

*There is no real order or rank to the Obstacles, I am just making a list as I go along.

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In the “world according to me”, engagement is defined as “association by choice.”  To choose is often defined as, ‘to select freely, after consideration.’ Anything that stands in the way of associating freely is then an obstacle. When trust is construed in such a way as to place the burden of responsibility outside oneself then by definition we have made trust an obstacle to engagement.

Can you imagine being at work, in any workplace, and not trusting people? I don’t necessarily mean specific people, I mean people in general. Unfortunately, I think many of us are unconscious of our biases in this regard, having “handy stories” justifying behavior that might otherwise be considered paranoid. I think you know the stories I mean, they usually include some element of “well you can never be too careful,” or “if you want something done right do it yourself.” Both of these are versions of how to avoid depending on or trusting others. These “stories” do a major job of invisibly undermining accountability in any organization. Put in the simplest terms, no trust = no accountability. So let’s take a closer look at trust in a way that opens space for accountability.

“Trust is more an attitude about myself, an estimate of my own capacities, my own ability to handle whatever comes up. If I do not trust someone, … , a more accurate statement might be that I am not happy with the way I act or feel when I am around this person.  It is my sense of being out of control that bothers me…”                                            Peter Block

 Preparing for this post, it occurred to me that for many thoughtful people there are three truths about trust and no common definition. The three truths are:

1.       If I trust, I can count on being disappointed.

2.       If I do not trust, my life will likely be safe but it will feel more like surviving than thriving.

3.       If I am up to anything of consequence—anything that will really make any difference—then I will need the involvement of others. Therefore, trusting is a foregone conclusion: I will trust or I will accomplish very little in this lifetime.

With the above three truths in mind, I would do well to establish a tolerance for disappointment. If this sounds paradoxical to you I empathize. It appears that there is always a paradox to be dealt with where trust is involved, if I insist on defining trust as having anything to do with someone other than myself!

In my experience, most people I encounter do offer their definition of trust in terms of the behaviors of others. While there is considerable power in defining trust in reference to oneself, this "conventional reality" is neglected at great personal peril. The subjective reality concerning trust is dealt with masterfully in TRUST AGENTS: Using the Web to Build Influence, Improve Reputation, and Earn Trust.*

*(Kevin Eikenberry provides a timely review of this book in his post of February 15 and his blog, Leadership and Learning, merits a regular visit from readers who subscribe to this site.)

In contrast to the conventional practice, as I read hundreds of quotes from "fairly famous/successful" people to prepare for this article, a single insight became clear: there is no power in any definition of trust that depends on the behavior of others. None of these “famous/successful people” defined trust as having anything to do with anyone other than himself or herself.

 Consider this:

 A definition of trust that generates power is a function of my relationship with myself.

•  Do I have the confidence in myself to deal with whatever comes my way?
• Can I interact successfully with various personalities?
• Can I have direct reports who clearly have superior subject knowledge to my own?
• Can I work for a manager who can see clearly my limitations and openly accept coaching?
• Can I willingly depend on colleagues who's knowledge and skill I need?
• Can I honor my intentions when interacting with people of differing agendas?
• And most importantly, can I count on myself to respond and deliver without excuses even when someone has let me down?

This self-referential perspective on trust gives me reason to think that I can be effective no matter what and no matter who is involved. I say perspective because after reading all those quotes I concluded that trust, like we often say about beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. By adopting this perspective I place the responsibility for trust in my own lap. My power comes from the fact that there never was anything I could do about the behavior of others except to ask for what I wanted and hold them to account for what they said they would do.

I was blessed to have a manager who operated in this fashion early in my career. I made mistakes and each time he dealt with the situation gracefully and responsibly. If he had delegated something to me and it did not get done well he always held himself to account for having allowed me the opportunity to either meet his expectations, or let him down. This is not to say that he did not hold me to account; he did, and from our discussions around my accountabilities I learned from my mistakes. With him there was never any concern for being "thrown under the bus." We sank or swam together and as an outcome I was able to gain the confidence of other senior managers at a very young age. His trusting that he could deal with whatever mistake I might make allowed me the freedom to bring the best I had to offer and rapidly learn what worked and what did not. Of course, like any truly great manager his trust in me cost him in the end; I was promoted and moved on. And of course, he trusted that whoever took my place would eventually be exactly what he needed, until they moved on as well.

Where have you abdicated your responsibility for trust? When will you take it back?

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Last Friday night my wife and I had occasion to meet and have dinner with four people I may never see again, yet my life would be poorer had the experience not taken place. Each of the four, is a good deal younger than I am, a fact which itself was a source of inspiration since they have more years in front of them to make their contribution than I likely do. They were as a group and individually quite remarkable and what I’d call “leaders in the process of becoming.” Each, already accomplished in their own right, will likely be recognized as a leader on a broader stage sometime in the future.

I expect as I mention these folks by name they are recognizable among their existing audiences as “already leaders”, an assertion I will not dispute because each one has achieved in their chosen field and is undoubtedly well known. My thesis as regards each is that they will eventually be well recognized outside their immediate field as social as well as business leaders and it is purely a function of their engagement with their own vision that this possibility exists. They are agents for their vision.

Our hostess for the evening and the ringleader of this group was Christen Lien. An independent musician, viola is her primary instrument though she is rapidly mastering the harmonica as well. As her website offers, “Christen Lien’s unique fusion of East and West, classical and postmodern, acoustic and electronic, has created an entirely new sound that is both uncannily ancient and reassuringly contemporary.” She has also recently discovered her inner eco-activist and is preparing herself for a full frontal assault in support of the needs of the Amazon’s indigenous peoples.

Danielle Barnett, a photographer who lives in San Francisco’s Mission District, has combined her passion for photography, love of city life and the counter culture to take her into the heart of the hip hop world. Her natural passion now supports her as she serves as advocate for young aspiring hip-hop artists as they tumble their way through a business structure that would have them sign away their artistic rights without batting an eye.

When David McConville introduced himself Friday evening he said his firm specialized in Immersive Projection Design. Hello! For those of us from the “nuts and bolts” business world this expression did not register cognitively so I went with the intuitive and that turned out to be on the money. Short version, he does projector shows in domed environments. Longer and more accurate version, better a question than an explanation; how would you like to take a ride to the edge of the universe and back without leaving the room? David also sits as a member of the Board of Directors of the Buckminster Fuller Institute and through BFI he collaborates with numerous community initiatives to develop systems-oriented solutions to energy, environmental, and educational challenges.

Monica Niess is President of The Write Choice Network, a full-service social change organization that brings to bear broad expertise in resource development, strategic communication, organizational development, and social enterprise. Shorthand; if you are a not-for-profit and in need of funding these guys will find it or raise it for you. In November 2009 Monica had the great good fortune to meet up with Christen Lien in the Ecuadorian rain forest on a trip sponsored by the Pachamama Alliance. Not that Monica needed any inspiration, now she has new partners and the fun can really begin.

There can of course be events that intervene and you’ll never hear of any of these people again after this post but that is always true in this life, nothing and no one is guaranteed an outcome. However, it was a privilege to meet each of them even if briefly as they paused along their journeys to share an evening with my wife and me. By the way, none of these people needs a leader; they have their vision to guide them.

When I meet people like these four, I am certain that we know very little in the business world about how to cause leaders. How could we when we are so focused on what we want done rather than on what might be possible?

 Based on everything I have read, heard or experienced over the past twenty years I think it fair to say that what we know about leaders in the business environment starts after they either have success or have followers. This may seem obvious and like a lot of topics I bring up it raises the question, "Why are you talking about this?" Honestly, I find the field of leadership studies to be  limited by its focus on success, numbers and prescription and I think it is time to expose the shortcomings we all recognize are there in current modeling practices. How about we barbecue a few sacred cows forthwith? Let’s start with the following and you are welcome to add your own favorites:

• Addressing managers as though they are de facto leaders is irresponsible organizational behavior.
• Putting anyone through a one week "leadership intensive" and expecting "leaders" to emerge mirrors the wisdom of "spitting into the wind" and is tantamount to saying that when it comes to causing leaders for our organization doing something is better than doing nothing, and hey, who knows we might get lucky!
• Some of any organizations best leadership takes place in middle management and the people involved should not be promoted just because they are solid in the middle.

I can of course go on and so can you. The point I am pursuing here is that leadership is likely studied more effectively before the fact as an emergent phenomenon spawned by vision rather than afterwards as a behavioral pattern.

What is it like in your organization; are you searching for people with passion and imagination or just for those who produce results?

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Don’t try to reach my Dad at home during the day, at least not during the week before 4:00PM, he’s at work. Monday through Friday 9-4PM, that’s his schedule. Now you might say that doesn’t sound very demanding, he’d say that it is just about right. My Mom can drop him off in the morning without getting up too early, she usually doesn’t go to bed until around 1:00AM, and he can take the bus home in the afternoon and still have time for about a 30 minute nap before dinner. He is 86, she is 85, they are fully engaged with their lives and have schedules that they keep and don’t you interfere with the timing either, it throws them off!

This may seem like a funny place to start a conversation on your responsibility for your own engagement but read on and see if you continue to feel that way.

My Dad was one of those people who found out the hard way that loyalty to an employer is not always rewarded; he worked for one company for 30+ years and then was replaced without notice by the boss’s son. I guess you could say that he was as old school as you can get when it came time for putting his company’s interest before his own. He had actually had several offers over the years to move on but he always came down on the side of his employer having been good to him.

The events surrounding his dismissal are still somewhat foggy for me but the good news was that it took him about a half a day of feeling sorry for himself to realize that he was now released from his self imposed bondage and could go on to do anything he wanted to. That was almost thirty years ago now and he has not missed a day of work since. After coming to his personal epiphany, he set out to work as an independent electrician for several years, staying as busy as he wanted to be but eventually went back to an employed situation, not so much for the security as for the camaraderie. He had come to realize that as much as anything there was a great deal of social reward for him in the employment situation.

Pretty ordinary story, I agree, except for the part that I haven’t mentioned which was that other than the personal ego discomfort and maybe some embarrassment about not seeing it coming my Dad really got over the shock very quickly, my mother as well. They didn’t like what had happened but neither were they devastated, they didn’t go into the tailspin I have seen take over so many families when there is a loss of income or position.

My parents are both children of the Great Depression and that fact of life had so significantly shaped their lives that they had always lived as if those events could occur again. I don’t mean like living in fear, they took a pragmatic approach, "If something happened once it could happen again." So when what they were prepared for actually occurred they rolled through it and on into the rest of their lives and have not looked back.

Simple story, profound lesson, one worth considering; so are these questions…

• Are you living like there is a tomorrow you can count on and income that is predictable into the foreseeable future?
• Are you playing your cards close to the vest so as not to draw too much attention to yourself at work in hopes that being adequate will be sufficient?
• Are you committed beyond your financial means?
• Do you have an identity that is based on that you are what you do, who you work for, where you live, where your kids go to school?

If you answered yes to any of these questions you are severely compromised, you cannot possibly be fully engaged, and essentially a detriment to yourself and your employer; not only that you are extremely vulnerable whether you realize it or not.

These days doing good work is not necessarily enough to keep you secure, even if your company is doing well. A “tip of the hat” goes to Kris Dunn who suggested that we take a look at Henry Blodget’s piece in the Business Insider War Room from January 6^th and ponder the questions he poses there about whether we should make a practice of dismissing our merely adequate employees. Yikes!

Speaking of engaged I recommend a regular visit to Kris’s blog, The HR Capitalist, even if you are not involved with HR. Kris is an example of what a fully expressed, passionate fully engaged HR executive looks and sounds like and his posts will make you want to apply for work at his company. It is just good for you, like taking strong medicine.

So back to my Dad and Mom now. Do you still think they were a strange example of being responsible for your own engagement? If you do I should send you over to their house some evening where you will most likely find them sitting quietly together in the living room, my Dad working crossword puzzles, my Mom fussing with a sudoku. They both love being alive and have read that keeping your mind active is one of the best way to stave off the mental effects of aging. Be prepared to talk loud though, as engaged and curious as they still are they are both deaf as a door jam and not willing to do anything about it!

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